I’d say the start of 2010 has, by the grace of God, been “ALL that.”
F and I finally got our own apartment; we’re in a good place in life; both our careers are working out great and now Inshallah expecting our first baby very soon. We definitely have lots to be thankful and grateful for.
There are still times I can’t believe we’re having a baby – our very first baby! As butterfly inducing that thought is it scares the gajeepers out of me sometimes.
I remember the day I took THE test. It was about 5:30 am before I left for work on some January morning. I didn’t even bother with breakfast. I just had to know. I let F sleep while I scampered about.
The 7-minute wait was the longest of my life, but at the end of that wait I saw the lightest, palest line I’ve ever seen. And to me it was a screaming RED. It was no doubt the best day of my whole life. F couldn’t believe it; the reality just wasn’t sinking in!
When mom came to pick me up, I blurted it out to her and she also took time to digest it interjecting her awe with happiness and surprise and wonder and a whole lot more. It was so exciting!
I literally walked on air all day; it was a secret and I was in on it and I didn’t care about anything else.
One of the best moments was telling my sisters. It was over tea at moms one day when Kay was back from NY for holiday and we were all in the kitchen. I asked Kay when she was coming next, and she gave me a vague “maybe August” answer. So I asked her again and as she and S shot me an exasperated look I said to them, “Well maybe we can have my baby shower then.”
And the rest got drowned in squeals of excitement.
It’s been many months since that exciting day, and everyday has brought with it more magic and wonder. Some obvious ups and downs have also plagued life, but then isn’t that life?
The awe and wonder have also brought with them realizations.
Many, many realizations.
It has made me understand, among other things, what kind of mom I’d eventually want to be or at least aspire to be, the kind of mom I don’t want to be, the kind of person I’d like to be for my kid, the kind of parents I see in me and F, the kind of life I imagine with F after the baby has come etc. etc.
During my initial stages of pregnancy I was advised by the doctor to take it easy due to an early miscarriage risk that ALL pregnancies carry. Very routine advice, but one I couldn’t follow strictly as there was much going on around me.
At that time, the school that I taught at was working very hard to put up their annual school concert, which due to unforeseen events had been postponed from December ‘09 to January’10. Me, being in the Art department had to deal with props, and costumes, and characters and sets along with my team. To top it off I was also in charge of the stage plan and who was acting in each scene, since I knew the names of all the children.
I still remember being in a daze as I’d be on my feet all day helping sort out things, return in the evening, stand during the entire show, help change props and go home utterly exhausted only to repeat all that for two more consecutive days. No body at my workplace even guessed that I might be pregnant and I kept mum about it too.
I was very lucky to have had a great First Trimester. I sailed through it, Allah Ka Shukar – no morning sickness, no fatigue. It was actually a very good trimester.
Then as soon as the second trimester hit, my migraines flared with a vengeance. I’m not one of those people who used to throw up when they got migraines. I just need a dark room and silence and I’d be okay. And anyone who suffers from migraines knows this!
But this time round due to my hormones being all crazy my doctor warned me that the migraines could induce vomiting. And that is exactly what happened to me. It was not pleasant and I was asked to take a week off from work to recover. Needless to say everyone at work as a result found out that I was pregnant.
Then started the barrage of “oh what a bad pregnancy you’re having” statements.
No look at how I pulled through a concert during the first 3 crucial months of the pregnancy, no mention of how well I was handling the teaching, standing on my feet from 7 in the morning to 1:30, just a glimpse at my one week of doctor ordered rest. Considering I’ve seen people go through much worse, I always thanked God that I wasn’t going through something unbearable, thus the comments irritated me more.
It really shouldn’t have bothered me in the first place, but the fact is it did. If someone doesn’t have anything nice to say, why say something at all?
So this made me think of quite a number of things, both good and bad that I’ve heard and learnt over the past couple of months from various people around me.
Sometimes I think I react more [and yes I will totally play the pregnancy card here and say it’s because I’m definitely more sensitive at this point in life] but sometimes when I relate what happened to F, he tells me I have every right to react the way I do.
So here goes.
• Family always manages to give the best reactions over anything pregnancy related. If you have sisters then you’ll know exactly what I mean!
• Sharing a pregnancy with your sister is the single most frustrating, yet rewarding adventure waiting to happen. ☺
• Cravings? Nope. Never had them. I could and still can, eat anything and everything called FOOD.
• Listening to the heartbeat of your baby for the first time ever is by far the greatest feeling in the world and nothing can compare to it, except maybe seeing your baby for the first time.
• The treatment you get when you’re pregnant is great. People worry for you, ask about you and are generally interested in what’s going on. At a point like this when you’re already so emotional, family really works wonders to sort you out. And if you have friends who can be added to that support system, well, pregnancy just got better.
• Pregnancy makes you find whiny people slap worthy.
• Sometimes it takes a negative turn to make you realize how strong you truly are. And every negative turn brings with it some positive outcomes you may not have ever imagined.
• Lend a deaf ear to people who tell you that life is over after a baby. I had people tell me that after I got married too. My elder sister calls those people who say such stuff “extremely sad individuals” who managed to do nothing to make their life better. Yes, life changes but why must it be a morose and sad change? I can’t imagine thinking along those lines. Tough and challenging I can deal with; depressed and whiny needs a kick in the butt.
• When I found out I was pregnant, the first talk I had with F was concerning my job. Since we live on our own, my parents are working people and my in-laws are based in Iran the best decision was for me to quit my job. F was totally for this. He grew up in a country where the concept of a maid just didn’t exist. Even I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving my baby to a maid while I went to work – I’d just never be able to do it, my mind would never be at peace.
I did have a lot of people telling me I’d regret my decision and I’d burn out, but this was something that honestly I didn’t even debate. I always wanted it to be this way. I think mom’s who continue to work after having children if they have the set-up, support and help to do so are great. And I think that mom’s who quit their job to devote their time to bringing up their baby are EQUALLY great. You can burn out both ways or you can keep the fire on. It’s what you choose to make of the situation you’ve decided on.
• The common notion “I want to be nothing like my mother” I feel is over rated. How would you feel if your baby grew up and uttered those very words to you? Not cool.
I think my mother has done the best job in the world and while I’m a different person who may have different opinions, I will never let her feel that I think her decisions were all wrong and she has no clue anymore. I love listening to what she has to say, I love involving her in my decisions, I also love arguing with her to prove my point. So while I won’t be exactly like my mother – I would love to be an updated little version of her.
• All that stuff I used to read about being overly emotional during pregnancy, well, it’s TRUE. Small things affect, and comments and jibes from people can seem larger than life. This is the part where F comes in to make everything okay. He listens to my constant tirades about people and their insensitivity, helps me sort things I have in my head and reasons with me till I’m all smiley again. Thank God for husbands, especially during pregnancy.
• Many times instead of a simple “oh congrats, we’re so happy for you” I get to hear, “First babies are so easy. It’s the second or third time round you get tired since you’re running after one already, you just don’t have energy like the first time.”
These individuals have “clearly” forgotten what it was like to be pregnant for the first time in their lives. And while I do agree that having a kid to deal with must be tough during a second or third pregnancy, no matter what anyone tells you, first pregnancies might be EASY in terms of rest and sleep, but you’re still going through everything for the first time and it can be totally overwhelming. It’s your experience and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like its nothing big. Why must everything become a competition? Every pregnancy is special in its own way, and yes first timers do need to feel that bit extra important. ☺
*And if you can’t ignore individuals like that then retaliate with a sickeningly sweet smile and say “But you’ve had more years of experience dealing with a kid/kids, and you’ve gone through pregnancy before too, so you should be having an easy time yourself!”
Tit for tat and in this case they totally deserve it.
• From the moment people find out you are pregnant, they will start commenting on your weight. Whether or not your weighing machine or your doctor tells you you’re gaining weight, the super sonic vision of others will tell you that you definitely are. No matter what, people will tell you at every stage how huge you will become and that nothing will fit you as the weeks go by.
My sisters and I always wondered how people could comment on others weight so publicly. It is the single, most rude thing we have ever come across. I mean does one not have anything else to say?
And what makes it worse is that now I’ve noticed that men have also started with this commenting. Nothing to turn you off a man faster I think and any man who comments on your pregnant state is totally devoid of class, and will definitely understand how it feels when his wife gets pregnant and he has to console her when others call her fat.
So this will follow you as you notice people tell you how fat you’re looking. Instead of getting worked up, I usually feel sorry for them. Take pride in your pregnancy weight gain because you know it’s your baby getting bigger, and all that extra weight is totally healthy as long as it’s monitored.
At least I have a reason in my belly, an amazing human reason that I’m growing. What’s their excuse?
• Never let anyone make you feel that they have a tougher job raising 5 kids while you’re pregnant with your first. Those people need to be deleted from your life if they cannot be happy for you without passing silly comments.
• People who start conversations with “Ab pata chalay ga” need to be kept at a large distance.
• People who give fun information and lend an attentive ear need to be put on speed dial.
• Ultrasounds can definitely make you cry, as did mine. Especially when you and your husband realize that the fuzzy skeletal alien you see dancing on the screen is all yours.
*Please remember me and my peapod in your prayers. 
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